sunshine on a message board

best quote i've seen in a really long time:

"It doesn't get easier. You get stronger."

I need to post this here so I can look at it whenever I need to.

DIANAKAMPA

BERRYBINX --

Sorry to hear abour your break-up. That is sad that you stopped hanging out with your mutual friends- I am sure that they understand, but they probably miss you, too!!

I think that if you feel up to it, you should GO to the party! Esp. since you feel like you wantto get out/meet some new people,etc. I would recommend that you bring a friend or two with you that can be your support in case seeing the Ex is really difficult. You guys can figure out some kind of signal that means, "Um, I need to get the heck out of here now!" Having a plan may ease your anxiety before you go, since you know that if you see him and it's too hard to stay, you can leave.

Also, if you drink, watch yourself (and maybe have your wing-girls watch you, too), to make sure that you don't get too tipsy and then possibly get more emotional (been there, done that, not pretty -- esp. with mascara on!).

One other thing - if you see The Boy and he seems like he's having an awesome time, it's not necessarily true. So, don't assume if he's living it up at the party that he's 'over you,' or anything -- chances are, he's probably still dealing with it (despite the fact that he's totally LAMESAUCE for breaking up with you, you fabulous girl, you!!!!).

Okay, that's enough of MHO.

Good luck -- keep posting when you need support (this is a new daily thread), and lean on your friends - that's what they're for!!!

((((BERRYBINX))))

##

reading this helped me so much. i smiled, i felt a little teary eyed, but best of all i felt confident. it's amazing how a little bit of positivity can motivate so much...i really feel good about this now. i can handle it, and i'm going to be better for it.

because...


"It doesn't get easier. You get stronger."

:) Thank you

things i need to write about:

-sigur ros

-nyc

-fear in brooklyn

-accordions on the L

-beyonce

-malden future

-hunting puffins

-education vs gothabilly

merlot mornings

the economy continues to slump, and sarah continues to be without a full-time job. this flu shot clinic is fine for now...but i hardly get any hours and it's ultra temporary. then what? it'll be hard as hell to get loans for school. and i'm not experienced enough to get the jobs that are available, but i can't gain any more experience so long as no entry-level jobs are opening...what's a girl to do?

i get frustrated so easily and consider altering my intended career choice. maybe it's time i gave up the dreams of publishing and settle for something else...but what? i've been steering towards book/magazine publishing for 3 years now and i've trained myself to enter that field, and i'm not sure what else to consider. marketing? pr? advertising? they wouldn't take me either because i'm not very experienced in anything but editorial and promotions. english teacher? bleh. i can't be a high school teacher until i look a little older than 17. no one would take me seriously, and i am nowhere near confident enough to stand in front of a class and educate.

i'm so in debt, without a car, school loans looming, health insurance disappearing, cat needs neutering...desperate times. i know i'm not the only one, but this is getting so frustrating. i worked so hard for so many years because that's what i was told was necessary to secure a job outside of school. i followed the rules and did everything i could to make myself marketable to employers but it wasn't enough.

complain complain complain complain complain

it's difficult not to let the desperation overwhelm me.

on a brighter note, i started jogging again today. i put in a solid 30 mins and it felt really good. i don't have any clinics tomorrow so i'll spend some more time jogging around the woods, or "jungle running" as my little brother called it.


after seeing craig ferguson on saturday night i'm so very attracted to him. who care's that he's 24 years older than me...i can't control my carnal desires. fergie's on my list.


oh yeah, nyc this weekend? i have no money but i really want to go. i have a feeling it would be an unbelievable weekend. but i have no money. no money at all. i hate this.

it's allllllll up in the air

i had my two phone interviews today...eeek. the first one was quick and simple with an HR rep, but the second was a really in-depth interview with the editor i would work for and she grilled me. i feel like i go from sounding confident and smart one second to immature and vapid the next. i go from giving a solid answer to giggling when i get nervous. i was annoying myself, i felt bad for the woman. both said they'll contact me by the end of the week so we'll see what happens...i'm not feeling great about either of them though.

maybe i should give up trying to break into publishing. i love books and cherish them more than any other inanimate objects i own, but maybe rather than trying to sell them i should be trying to write them.

i can't find my place in this world and it's driving me crazy!!!

i also have stopped keeping normal hours for the last couple of weeks. this is the last night i can do it though because i start the flu clinics on thursday...which i keep forgetting about...which i must remember. i'm watching crappy reality tv (that i'm really enjoying) with brother tim and the cats max & binx. those two should have a reality show. if anyone would watch a tv show featuring a fluffy chubby solemn cat named max and his new adopted jet black and wildly hilarious brother binx.

i have a few more WW points i can eat and i'm going to eat them



NOW!

anita's gona get her kicks tonight

oh my goodness, i'm watching west side story for the first time in 8 years. i loved this crap back then.

important day! maybe. possibly. i shouldn't get ahead of myself. Two editorial assistant positions i applied to have contacted me for phone interviews, both of which will happen tomorrow afternoon. if they like me on the phone, they'll bring me in for a real interview. then if they like me in person, they may ask me to come back for yet another interview. both publisher's are on the north shore ( i looooooooooove it up there) and both company's are one's that i'd really love to work for.

after MONTHS and MONTHS of applying to jobs and hearing nothing i was completely ready to give up. i began the process of gathering my grad school application together but since the economy has pretty much collapsed i can put grad school on the back burner because it will be impossible for me to get enough loans to cover the costs. i though i was going to be heading back to retail because no one is hiring and school is too expensive....so i really really hope one of these jobs works out so i can pay my bills, help my family, BUY A CAR (ahhhh pleeeeease mine only drives in first gear) and go shopping like a fucking madwoman. i hope i hope!

i should prep for these interviews but i don't feel motivated. i feel menstrual. i feel like having some wine. hush hush, weight watchers, one glass aint so bad.

also...this woman who has 18 children and won't stop and dresses all of her kids like those Waco polygamists...she really needs to cool it. i mean come on...wrap it up, plug it up or snip it off. i can't handle your TLC specials anymore.

yet ANOTHER new blog!

i'm a serial blog changer. i started with livejournal 8 years ago...then quit it. then started another livejournal in college...then abandoned it. then i started my first blogger last year...and don't remember the sign-in information. this is the fourth attempt at maintaining a blog, we'll see how long it lasts.

i'll introduce myself to you, new blog. 22 years old bostonian, graduated from college in may and am struggling to find a job. it really is wonderful luck to graduate the year your country sinks into a recession! in the meantime, i'm trying to lose weight because i am a (newly) single, well-educated kid who wants to just feel better all around. all around this big old ass. actually i love my ass. it's surprisingly firm and sits up nice and high. i'd like the rest of my body to play along as nicely as my sweet ass.

so weightwatchers will be given a try again. it worked really well 6 years ago, but i'm still not sure whether the success was thanks to the program or due to a heartbreak-induced period of starvation. while i'm in a similar situation this time (heartbreak caused by the same culprit) i'm older and (i think) wiser. i'm not doing it for him or anyone else; i'm doing it because i'm 22 and tired of avoiding mirrors and the mall. i want to wear a skirt next summer and feel great about my legs.

weigh-in is tuesday...wish me luck!