merlot mornings

the economy continues to slump, and sarah continues to be without a full-time job. this flu shot clinic is fine for now...but i hardly get any hours and it's ultra temporary. then what? it'll be hard as hell to get loans for school. and i'm not experienced enough to get the jobs that are available, but i can't gain any more experience so long as no entry-level jobs are opening...what's a girl to do?

i get frustrated so easily and consider altering my intended career choice. maybe it's time i gave up the dreams of publishing and settle for something else...but what? i've been steering towards book/magazine publishing for 3 years now and i've trained myself to enter that field, and i'm not sure what else to consider. marketing? pr? advertising? they wouldn't take me either because i'm not very experienced in anything but editorial and promotions. english teacher? bleh. i can't be a high school teacher until i look a little older than 17. no one would take me seriously, and i am nowhere near confident enough to stand in front of a class and educate.

i'm so in debt, without a car, school loans looming, health insurance disappearing, cat needs neutering...desperate times. i know i'm not the only one, but this is getting so frustrating. i worked so hard for so many years because that's what i was told was necessary to secure a job outside of school. i followed the rules and did everything i could to make myself marketable to employers but it wasn't enough.

complain complain complain complain complain

it's difficult not to let the desperation overwhelm me.

on a brighter note, i started jogging again today. i put in a solid 30 mins and it felt really good. i don't have any clinics tomorrow so i'll spend some more time jogging around the woods, or "jungle running" as my little brother called it.


after seeing craig ferguson on saturday night i'm so very attracted to him. who care's that he's 24 years older than me...i can't control my carnal desires. fergie's on my list.


oh yeah, nyc this weekend? i have no money but i really want to go. i have a feeling it would be an unbelievable weekend. but i have no money. no money at all. i hate this.